Mother-daughter relationships: which category do you fit into? - Telegraph
As Dawn French made clear in The Telegraph on Sunday, the mother-daughter relationship is a complex one. She spoke for many mothers. Dear Mom of a Teenage Daughter waters (hormone changes, brain changes, body image, relationship, academics and on, and on, and on!). Mother-daughter relationships are complex and diverse. Some mothers and daughters are best friends. Others talk once a week. Some see each other weekly;.
If you're flexible and receptive, that'll go a long way, too. Focus on the Positive When teen girls are living at home, it's easy to get bogged down by the outrageous behavior: For one thing, it's all in your face.
It also affects the whole family. And it's easier to focus on observable, more manageable things than scary unknowns such as who girls are really socializing with or whether they're experimenting with substances. But this approach, of course, creates constant harping and bickering that drains everyone's emotional energy and makes your daughter feel like she "can't do anything right.
What is your daughter doing that you like, admire, and want to see continue? Maybe it's that she is empathic with her best friend, goes all out for field hockey, or remembers to call her grandmother. Maybe she was pleasant at breakfast one morning. Teen girls may act as if they don't care, but they really want their mother's recognition. Acknowledging what your daughter is doing right makes her want to keep doing it so she continues to please you.
It's adding good will to your relationship, now and in the future. Acknowledge Your Mistakes Many mothers, feeling powerless against the many pressures in their teen daughters' lives, can become rigid and unyielding in their interactions. That's because every issue can seem like life or death.
Do you find yourself repeating your position, over and again? Does your daughter accuse you of not listening to her? Do you mentally review your grievances to bolster your resolve to stand your ground? Do you think changing your mind is the same as caving in? Are you worried about being manipulated? One of the most helpful things mothers can do is to self-reflect and come clean about our own flaws and missteps. This won't detract from your authority; it will add to your credibility.
More important, it will tell your daughter just how committed you are to your relationship. You're invested in working on it and, most important, you're prepared to be accountable for your own behavior. It will be a great relief to her that she's not the only one being blamed for the problems between you—and she's not expected to do all the changing.
15 Insights on Improving Mother-Daughter Relationships
Although this strategy may not transform your interactions overnight, it will do wonders to create a strong, mutually respectful relationship in the long run. One of the really important conclusions one can draw after more than a decade's additional wisdom and reflection is that we mothers don't have nearly as much power as we think we do.
- Mother-daughter relationships: which category do you fit into?
- The Mother and Daughter Relationship During the Teen Years
- Mother Daughter Relationships: Staying Close When She Pulls Away
What determines the young women our teen daughters become? Genetics, their temperament, formative experiences after high school, the intimate relationships they form, and the opportunities they have or don't have, much of which is beyond our control.
Anyone who has parented a something knows this all too well. So when I say I wish I'd have known how important these beliefs and strategies are back then, it's not that I believe things would have turned out differently. It's just that like many mothers, I would have avoided a lot of needless anguish.
If you do not wish to receive our messages in the future, please unsubscribe here. In her private practice, Roni Cohen-SandlerPh. A New Understanding of Mother-Daughter Conflictsees three primary complaints that daughters have about their moms: Moms try to parent them and are overly critical and demanding. Whatever your relationship with your mother or daughter, you can always make improvements. Make the first move. Doing so inevitably leaves relationships stuck.
Many think that the only way to improve a relationship is for the other person to change their ways.
Interestingly, this can still alter your relationship. Think of it as a dance, she said. When one person changes their steps, the dance inevitably changes. Both moms and daughters often have idealistic expectations about their relationship. For instance, kids commonly think their mom will be nurturing and present — always. This idea can develop from an early age. When her kids were young, Mintle found herself setting up this unrealistic belief during their nightly reading time.
Lack of communication is a common challenge with moms and daughters. Be an active listener. They realize conflict is inevitable and they deal with it head on. This applies to mother and daughter relationships, too, she said.
Their friendship subsequently suffered. It was like she was the child and I was the parent.
The Mother and Daughter Relationship During the Teen Years | Our Everyday Life
Now we no longer talk. You need your mother in a supportive, parental role. She needs to live her own life, in her own generation. You need space in your life for your own partner, and best friend mothers can become jealous of husbands or be too involved.
To have a fulfilling relationship with your partner, your mother needs to take a supportive back seat in your life. The Sunday night caller The Sunday night caller This daughter tends to call her mother weekly, and probably lives in a different city from her. These women have a good relationship but the daughter values her independence and is selective about the aspects of her life she shares with her mother.
To move away from your parents and live your own life is normal, says Bristow. It can be a sign that the relationship is strong and can tolerate distance.