How Love Can Dissolve Conflict - Relationship Magic with Guy Finley - Neil fim-mdu.info
Relationship Magic: Waking Up Together By Guy Finley. When we're first drawn into a new relationship, the love we feel is based primarily on attraction and desire. . Your heart will recognize the truth of his words and as you put them into. You would never suspect these hypnotic words of holding any power. Indeed, an enjoyable game; a distraction from life—as with fantasies. Remember—the fear of loss is far stronger than the desire for gain. By getting them to imagine owning it, they become as if they already have it. . This is not a magic bullet. This is a simple wish in which action speaks louder than words. A devoted man Individuals' definitions of satisfying sex range from romantic to wild and crazy.
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The Desire Paradox: How Your Wants Can Wake You Up – The Awakened Dreamer
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Would love throw a grenade? This is so important, listeners, please.
These moments in passing time with our partner allow us to see and then begin to use consciously the very thing that ordinarily we mechanically do I.
Neil throws back the butter comment. Now, if love would not harm anyone, and I know that love would not do that, is it really I, is it my truest nature that launches the attack back? Or is pain responding to pain? We have to recognize that love would not make anyone suffer. Another way of putting it.
Why is my suffering in that moment more important than your suffering?
- 6 Simple Ways to Reignite Your Relationship
- 164: How Love Can Dissolve Conflict – Relationship Magic with Guy Finley
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Why is what I am suffering over if I love you, why would I want to add 1 ounce of more suffering to your life? You would know it. And knowing that, which is, see, look, my new book is the culmination of 40 years of writing and speaking.
And certainly not afterwards as a retrospective event where I blame myself or think I could have done better, what I call a reflective event. It was concealed until you said what you did.
The Desire Paradox: How Your Wants Can Wake You Up
And in that patience, which is a keyword. You know the original, the ancient meaning of the word patience, Neil? And we can all hear the tone, we know what sarcasm is. She would have just picked it up. So to the point, here I am, and in that split second if I can bear myself, meaning bear what has been revealed in me by the comment, the sarcastic, intended or not, comment in that split second something had happened that is the true magic.
They get to meet their own limitation, which is this unconscious negative reaction instead of it being validated by my unconscious reaction to their commentary. Okay, so there are two things jumping out at me right now.
And then… Guy Finley: So, example… Neil Sattin: You used strong language earlier, which was like, we want those parts to die, the parts of us. My wife drops the bomb. Were you thinking Neil, prior to that?
No, and in fact this is why I love the shift that I feel like your book is creating in me. Because not only did I not know it was there but because I combusted and immediately my thought was, I want to blame her.
6 Simple Ways to Reignite Your Relationship
If she knew how to act in a situation like this, then that… Exactly. So you said you have children. How old are they? They are nine and eleven. Would you get angry at your child for not being able to catch a football that you throw at them? No, of course not. No that would be ludicrous, why? Because the child has limitations. But when we blame our partner for producing this discontentment in us, for being the seed of this conflict, are we not in essence saying, You know what, you have this limitation, Chloe.
So we see the person who is producing in a sense, this moment of disturbance. We see the problem as being their limitation. My partner says something to me, the little offhanded comment, and then instead of, as I usually do, responding with resistance mechanically, a tit for tat.
It was produced by a host of painful circumstances that I never was able to figure out. So when I notice that I am in a moment and experiencing pain and in fairness to Chloe, it could have just as easily been me saying… Having something to complain about… Guy Finley: Of course, of course. To start it all off. I know, I can hear you, man. Chloe is going to fix me. And nothing gets fixed other than a growing body of resentment from conditions never resolved consciously through love.
I stop trying to fix my partner and I stop trying to fix myself. You might want to write it down, listeners. I call it stop, drop and endure. Stop, drop and endure. Any one of a thousand things can be innocent as the day is long and maybe not even intended as you indicated to be a cutting remark because she may be just asleep psychologically, just saying what comes to her mind.
Bang, come to a stop. What does it mean come to a stop? It means I know because I have been interested enough to think about it, to contemplate it, then my tendency when my wife or partner says whatever they do, is that I have a thousand tender spots.
All I could do was hate my partner, regret my situation, despise myself for not being good enough to keep or to hold in place whatever it was. These places have never healed. And all of this unhealed, psychologically divided mind and heart goes forward in time with me. Then I have a new partner. She says, whatever it is, and the sore spot is stimulated. Come to a stop. Now, what does it mean, stop? When I come to a stop, the intention is to see everything in me that wants to keep moving.
I want to see and hear these thoughts and feelings without being mechanically identified with them and what they are trying to do as they want to fix the moment. Hold on a moment, what is that about? I say I want to heal. I say I want to be a loving partner, but now I realize there is a flood loosed in me that wants to free itself, by putting someone else into a cage. Now you tell me what endure means, Neil. That is not who I am, and that is not who I am going to manifest. And that Neil, is what it really means to die to ourselves because love makes it possible.
What would grieve for the loss of something that only wants to produce the continuation of pattern? Look, everybody write this down, please. There is no such thing as a bad fact about yourself, there is no such thing as a bad fact about yourself. Being is the moment-to-moment expression. Love is the moment-to-moment relationship between facts. We are the last section for the book, we are in training. So when we get this and start realizing, God I can see… You know what, I can feel it in the deepest part of myself.
This is my favorite part. Can a pattern go on if any part of the pattern is changed in the truest sense of it? It seems that it would be different from that point forward. It cannot go on.